<start rant>
Let me first preface this post by saying this: As of writing, I have gambled and have had some wins, and some losses, but mostly losses. Take it from me kids, as much as the good folks gambling over on Twitch.tv would have you believe, you can’t make a career out of gambling unless you have a massive bankroll or are already rich!
Online casinos have a much different way of luring pepole in and keeping them there. A lot of it comes down to how their banking works. For instance almost all online casinos offer some kind of sign up bonus or deposit match bonus.
Say for instance the deposit match bonus is 200%. This means you depost $100 and they give you $200 extra to play with. Now hold on little Timmy, because that money isn’t real nor is it worth accepting when you understand the rules that come with it.
Almost all casinos require that you play a certain amount before you are able to withdraw the money (before it becomes real) this can vary, but is usually anywhere from 100 to 500 times the total amount they give you. This means if you deposit $100 and they give you another $200, you need to play $2000 – $5000 at their casino before they are going to let you pull the money out.
Speaking of pulling money out, the withdrawal process is absolutely brutal! First of all you have to provide the casino with proof of residence and proof of who you are before they will even consider letting you withdraw funds.
Next you have to deal with the Canadian banking system which basically tells you “No fucking way are you gambling on the internet!”. They make gambling and crypto near impossible to do with any form of speed.
Now you finally have some cash in your casino account. Go ahead and play some games. We have an amazingly high RTP. RTP is the return to player percentage which is essentially the amount of money the casino returns to its player base. This number at most casinos means absolutely JACK!
The way a casino calculates its RTP is it runs simulations of its games 24×7 which will tell them how much money they took, and how much was returned to the player. If a casino tells you they have an RTP of 95% it means that the casino keeps 5% and the other 95% is distributed to its player base.
What the casino forgets to tell you about is just because the RTP is 95% that doesn’t mean anyone is winning anything. The simulations the casinos most likely are around 20-30% RTP and on the second last simulation the system runs against any particular game it hits a monster win of several million dollars which would bring the RTP in line with what they are boasting about but still ends up being total bull shit.
Finally you manage a massive win and are ready to cash out? Great, provide all the same information you did when opening your account at your respective online casino so they can confirm who you are once again. Once this is done they will allow you to withdraw your funds. If it’s over $10K well you’re SOL.
Most online casinos use Interac E-Transfers to fund your casino account. This comes with several annoying limitations.
- If you are a high roller, tough shit. You can only transfer $3000 per day, and $10,000 per week into your account.
- If you want to withdraw more than $10K, you have to pull the first $10K and wait a week for it to hit your bank account. Then you cal pull more out.
- The casinos intentionally delay your withdrawals because well…… they want your money and the longer it’s loaded up at the casino, the more likely you are to go back and have it brutally taken away from you.
Take if from someone who has been heavily beaten by the casinos on a fairly regular basis. Online gambling is bull shit. Stick to a real casino where you can cash out and walk away because otherwise, you might as well just hand all your money to your online casino of chioice, let them kick you in the junk, and then move on with your day.
</end wrant>
